Straight On 'Til Morning
by Luciferine
Summary: Set after the end of the game. Ellie muses on what she and Joel have been through, the implications of their actions, and where exactly they're supposed to go from here. Pre- Joel/Ellie if you squint.


The second Ellie woke up, she knew something wasn't right. Mostly because she was awake. Meaning she was alive. Is alive. Ergo, not dead. Obviously. Usually her thoughts aren't this muddled, but she's had a stressful day. More of a stressful year, if she's being totally honest, but expecting to die for the salvation of all mankind and then waking up in the backseat of a rusty truck definitely takes the cake. Not that she should be surprised. At all. Not when Joel is involved. Fucking Joel.

They haven't spoken much since she made him swear. Since she saw the lie in his face. She knows what happened in there, and she's pretty sure he knows she knows. Not that either of them are going to mention it. Ever. Probably. It's weighing on him, though. She can see it in the way he carries himself, in his face when she can catch a glimpse of it. She feels it, too. In the air between them and in her ribcage, expanding so that her heart feels crushed against the bone. They're gonna need to talk about it eventually. She knows that. Joel knows that too, she's sure, somewhere in that thick skull of his. But it's still too raw, still too fresh. Now's not the time.

Now, they're going back to Tommy's. How they're gonna explain Ellie's continued presence at Joel's side, she has no idea. She's sure Joel will come up with something. He usually does. She'll nod and agree to whatever it is, that much she knows. She's angry, sure. Or she will be, once she's not exhausted and frazzled and in a sizeable amount of shock. Once she's gotten herself together there will be yelling. And cursing. And possibly the throwing of a variety of dangerous and likely sharp objects.

But that's later. Right now, if she's going to be completely honest with herself, which she is reluctant to do even in the relative safety of her own mind, she's… relieved. Not that she wasn't ready to die for the cause. For the cure. Of course she was. But when they put her under, and she knew she wasn't ever going to wake up, she felt fear. She didn't have much. Still doesn't. But she has Joel. And he had her. And she knew at once, when she woke up in that sterile room, that he didn't know it would be like this. And she felt fucking relief. Joel hadn't led her to her death. She could have died happy with that knowledge. That he meant well the whole time through. Well, except for that bit in the beginning where he wanted to shoot her… But they're past that, at this point. The man took down an entire faction of Fireflies to keep her safe. Gave up the only possibility of a better world. To keep her safe. It was stupid and selfish and reckless and she will definitely have to punch him for it later, but he'd done it for her.

Yeah, she remembers. She won't tell Joel, but she remembers a lot more of what happened in there than he thinks. She doesn't know if the drugs weren't strong enough or if she wasn't given enough, but she became conscious after a little while. She doesn't remember leaving the operating room, but she remembers enough. She remembers Marlene. She cringes away from that thought, blocks it out for another time. She's not ready. Not yet. What else? Joel muttering that they were ok, they were ok, like a fucking prayer. Like whatever god still happened to observe this dump of a planet would hear and make his words true. She remembers his voice, like he was just seconds from falling apart.

That eases the violent guilt she feels. That Joel would have been a wreck if he'd left her there. That, if nothing else, her being alive brings him some sort of purpose. She knows, in a quiet corner of her heart, that Joel would probably have swallowed a bullet before the day was out if she had died in there, cure or no cure. He wouldn't have lived to even see the vaccine prototype. She knows this like she knows they've single-handedly destroyed the world for good. She cringes away from the image her mind supplies her. She's seen Joel aim and shoot so many times to save her life and his own. It isn't hard to imagine him turning the gun on himself. A noise escapes her, something pained and agonizing and barely even human. Joel is beside her in what feels like less than a second.

"Ellie!?" His eyes are wild with fear and suddenly he's grabbing at her, checking for injuries, she assumes, and she would laugh if her heart wasn't aching with the affirmation to her thoughts. He would have died if she had. And isn't that just fucked up on so many levels. Out of everyone she's ever known and loved, he's the only one left, this stupid, selfish, selfless, shattered man. And she wouldn't have even been able to save him.

The only one who really matters and she would have killed him with the death that would save everyone else in the whole world. She feels tears start to gather and she doesn't know if it's stress or lack of sleep or just the fucking ridiculousness of this entire situation but she wants to cry so fucking hard. Barely half a minute has passed and Joel is still frantic like she's never seen before. He's seen her tears and one hand is on her cheek in some sorry attempt at comfort while he tries to suss out the source of her distress. "Where does it hurt? Did they do something to you? Why didn't I see? I should have seen! Stupid, stupid-"

"Joel!" She interrupts him, shoving the hand not on her cheek away. "I'm fine, dumbass. I'm just… Tired. Really fucking tired and I'm probably in shock, OK? I was just freaking myself out, is all. I'm fine." She's still holding the hand she pushed away and she gives it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm OK, Joel. We're OK." She echoes his earlier words back at him. Recognition flashes in his eyes, dispersing the panic, replacing it with something like shock. She gives him a small smile and squeezes his hand again. "We're OK." And she means it, in more ways than one.

"Yeah. I… I guess we are." And that's new to him, she knows. It's new to her, too. OK is uncharted territory. She's looking forward to documenting every inch of it. His hand falls off her cheek, but he doesn't move the hand she's holding. Probably waiting for her to pull back. She doesn't. They keep walking. The air isn't as heavy between them now. Ellie breathes a little easier. "We're, uh, almost at Tommy's." He says unnecessarily. They can both clearly see the settlement from their elevated position. She nods anyways. The silence between them isn't awkward, but it's something new. She doesn't exactly know where they're supposed to go from here. The unknown is as unsettling as ever, but she has a sense that they'll have time to figure it out.

They've gone and destroyed the world, the both of them. They'll have to figure out how to live with it. At least, she will. Joel seems dead set on fighting for her, on keeping her safe. That's how he copes. She'll probably end up doing the same and returning the favour. It's what she's been doing for a year. She doesn't think she could learn to do anything else. She's not sure she wants to.

She'll process the greater implications of that when her brain is working better. Maybe. Or maybe she'll force herself to believe Joel's story. That they stopped looking for a cure. Yeah. Right. And maybe she won't have nightmares about this whole fucking day for the rest of her life. She sighs quietly enough that Joel won't hear. They're close enough to the gates that the guards are shouting demands at them, now. Ellie rolls her eyes. Joel squeezes her hand. She looks over at him. He smiles. Really, actually smiles. It's small and shy and rusty from lack of use, but it's real. And suddenly she's grinning right back.

"We're OK." He says. And they are.

**AN: Well, shit! It's been a while since I've written **_**anything**_** and I crank out nearly 1.5k in two hours. I've been wanting to write something for 'The Last of Us' since I watched PewDiePie play it on YouTube. I fell in love with the characters and the story and my heart broke when it ended, so I decided to carry it on in this little oneshot. I may end up writing more for this fandom if the feedback is positive? At any rate, Naughty Dog owns the game, the characters, and the plot, not me. Any mistakes in the story are mine and mine alone. Basically, as an explanation, I feel like Ellie knows Joel well enough to be able to figure out he was lying through his teeth at the end? And the bit about the drugs wearing out early is just a headcanon of sorts for me because creative license. So. This is what happened from those idle musings. I don't think I'll continue this exact story, but I might write something about the inevitable confrontation about what happened in Boston. Lemme know what you think. Read and Review and all that jazz. Hope you had fun reading! **


End file.
